With Jews, you never run out of jokes. Some are even funny.

1. When a Canadian railroad journal published an advertisement seeking 200 sleepers for a new cross-country line, Rabbi Grumbacher offered them his entire congregation.

2. “Rabbi,” said the president of the congregation, “I was sorry to hear that you are planning to resign for another pulpit.” The rabbi responded, “You need have no fears. I am going to recommend a successor who will probably be a better man than I.” The president replied, “That’s precisely what worries me. Your predecessor told us the same thing.”

3. Jonathan Becker, a poor man all his life, was struck by a car and killed instantly. His wife, Joyce, collected $50,000 from the insurance company. But Mrs. Becker wasn’t comforted at all. “Oh, what terrible luck,” she moaned. “Ever since we were married we lived in poverty, and now that we have a little something Jon has to go and die!”

4. Jack Schleplowitz sat next to a native of Warsaw while watching a vaudeville show in that city. The performer was a young violinist whom the Pole admired audibly. “That violinist is Jewish,” remarked Schleplowitz. The next act was a folk dance given by a dark-eyed girl. “She is also a Jew,” commented Jack. The Pole glowered but made no reply. The third performer was a singer. “Another Jewish boy,” Schleplowitz said with a smile. Out loud the Pole barked, “Jesus Christ!” “Also a Jew,” concluded Schleplowitz.

5. A recent immigrant was trying to orient himself to his new home. “Tell me something,” he asked a friend, “how far is it from New York to Philadelphia?” His friend replied, “Oh, about one hundred miles.” “And from Philadelphia to New York?” “Why, it’s the same distance, naturally.” “What’s so natural?” the immigrant asked. “Backwards and forwards is not necessarily the same distance. For example, from Purim to Pesach is one month. But from Pesach to Purim, isn’t it eleven months?”

Yes, I know that I’m pushing my luck, but there’s a little cruelty in this compassionate heart of mine!