The Dog Days of August require great humor to keep us from sweltering even in air conditioning. Since today is the first day of the month, the first “dog day,” I’m sure these superb jokes will keep you cool…except, of course, your boiling fury that my sense of humor is so much better than yours will ever be! (And together let us say…Amen)
David asks his wife Renee, “I’m just curious, darling, what part of me do you like the most? Is it my handsome rugged face, or my muscular abs, or what?” Renee scans him from head to toe, then replies, “I like your sense of humor.”
Q: Noah’s ark was built in three stories and the top story had a window to let light in. How did they get light to the bottom two stories?
A: They used flood lights.
Marty, a motivational consultant, was just getting into his car when a lovely woman walks up to him and says, “Can you give me a lift, please?” Marty responds, “Of course I can. You’re beautiful, intelligent and there’s nothing in the world you can’t do. Go for it.”
Another riddle…
Q: Where would you weigh a pie?
A: Somewhere over the rainbow, weigh-a-pie. (Sorry!)
“The stork just brought you a beautiful baby girl,” the nurse told a new father. “The stork never brought this baby,” declared the young man, staring at the hospital statement. The bill is way too long.”
Some signs: Billboard on the roof of Gold’s Auto Body Repair Shop: “May we have the next dents?”
Sign on a Hollywood deli parodying Shakespeare’s words of wisdom: “What Food These Morsels Be”
There’s a sign in an office discouraging 90% of job-seekers: “If You Consider Work a Pleasure – You Can Have a Lot of Fun Around Here.”
Now tell me, folks, aren’t they the WORST yet (except the one about Marty)! But wait ‘til next week for your evaluation of these. Those might be worse yet.