Many years ago, as chair of the Delaware Coalition on Aging, I invited a member of the clergy – a Christian minister whose denomination I do not recall – to speak at a symposium we were conducting on The Role of Religion in the Life of the Aged. There were some fine talks, but I was inspired by this minister whose topic was “The Prayer of Presence.” No one knew what he would be saying for not only was his title of his talk so “up in the air,” but he was known for his unusual approach to his ministry.
He said that he never offered a prayer at the bedside of his congregants. In the Q & A session, someone asked, “So why do you visit?” His detailed (i.e. long) answer caused us to forget the points of the other presenters. “I visit to visit.” And with that he stated, “I don’t believe in the kind of prayer one will hear at sickbeds all over the world from the beginning of time.” Whoa! And this guy had been with his congregation for a long time…something must be working.
“I believe,” he continued, “in the prayer of presence.”
What is it he does? As he said, “I sit,” and as he explained, “I sit sometimes for five minutes, sometimes for an hour, usually about fifteen minutes. I offer not a word…no prayer, no consolation, no chit-chat, no nothing.”
“Well, how is that received?”
“Usually? Phenomenally well. More often than not I get a hearty, ‘Thank you, Reverend! Thank you so very much.’ I then get up, smile, and leave. I don’t say ‘Goodbye’.” He then explained that at times when other family members happen to be in the room, he might offer a “traditional” prayer, “but to me,” he went on, “that’s a waste of time and spiritual energy.”
It was mind blowing, to say the least… “a waste of spiritual energy”!
But of course, I not only thought about it, I tested it out as well.
In step one, I asked those I visited what they thought about bedside prayers. Needless to say, since I was speaking with Jews most didn’t hold back. Many – far many more than I thought – agreed that a prayer was “not necessary, thank you, Rabbi.” While I had offered bedside prayers at most of my visits, it never occurred to me to first ask whether they were welcome. I guess the best answer to that is, “not always.” When I ASKED the question, I did so in the most objective manner. They know me so I’m assuming they trusted that I wasn’t trying to set them up.
In step two, I experimented with the prayer of presence…silence. But I did so with others, not those of whom I inquired. I didn’t want those to feel like guinea pigs; I wanted it to be as real as possible. Believe me, I was a bit nervous since most expect a prayer, whether or not they really want one.
Amazingly, and I mean amazingly, while some didn’t understand (I suppose after years of prayers for this and that), some were just as glad – even happier – that I had kept my mouth shut, not just in terms of not praying, but not saying ANYTHING AT ALL! As I said previously, no chit-chat, no nuthin’.
Were they healed? C’mon, folks.
Did they feel better after the visit? Absolutely!
And was that a measure of healing? Probably.
(Speaking of health, a doctor was called to the home of a very pious Orthodox Jew who lay gravely ill. “I’ll have to examine her throat,” said the doctor to her husband, “Please bring me a spoon!” The husband faltered, and then asked haltingly, “Doctor, meat or milk?”)