Two Stories from Sylvia
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I am a community worker. I have been working in Harrisonburg for over 15 years, as a language translator, social service provider and family mediator. As of the last six years, I have worked for the city’s public school division.
These are two stories that have to do with unstable housing in Harrisonburg.
I was the mediator for a family custody and support case, in which the issues and the parties seemed typical. Perhaps the only slightly different aspect was that I mediated in Spanish, for people who otherwise had few chances to hash out their disagreements in their native language. Their goal was to reach an agreement on the custody and support of their children. It may be unnecessary to explain how much of people’s emotions come into play in these processes. If you have ever tried learning another language you know that when your heart is involved, your first language (your mother tongue) is the one that takes over.
In this case, the parents had been separated for some time but wanted to be involved in raising their children. The little ones were quite young yet, so physical custody was leaning on the mother’s side. She argued that the children had a home with her and that, at their age, the mother-child bond was especially important. The father did not disagree, but he was firm in his commitment to be part of their lives on a weekly, or possibly, daily basis.
Mother and father went back and forth in negotiating the details. At some point the mother became impatient with the father's apparent narrow focus on the logistics of pick-up, drop-off and weekend schedules. She hinted at considering overnight visits instead of splitting hairs. Usually, when the couple’s separation is negative, parents stay in (a perceived space of) opposite corners, not wanting to “give in” too much. So this development was unusual: for the mother to offer more time. But much more unusual was the (curiously long) time the father took to process this consideration. Uncomfortable silence and superficial comments followed from both parties. I mediated for a conclusion on this point.
The gentleman, sitting across the table, looked at me and said that he did not have a place now, that he was returning every evening to his storage unit, after work, so he would not be able to have his children overnight for the time being. Silence followed. We continued mediating to reach an agreement on all aspects mandated by the courts. The mother could have blown this point of our proportion, but she did not.
In a roundabout way, the three of us took a few minutes to acknowledge his situation: a few words to summarize, paraphrase and confirm that he had been heard. It was heavy and painful but there was understanding, empathy and respect. I have often wondered, had it not been for this process, who would have known of this man’s homelessness? Would he have said this to the judge? Did my knowing aid him in any way? In Spanish we say “se ven caras, pero no corazones”, which means “you can see faces, but not hearts”.
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I realize that when there is scarcity, we become protective of our resources. I can see how people can be wary of foreigners, or what many of us prefer to refer to as Newcomers - because we all come from a place; it’s just that some of us arrived here a long time ago, while some of us are new.
People are not static; they move to seek newness, opportunities and work; sometimes they move to get away from pain. Puerto Ricans are American Citizens. People from Mexico and Central America are not, but many work jobs that no one else wants to take on, underwraps, unnoticed. Many people from the same national and cultural groups form ranks in our US military branches. All these regions, where many of our immigrant families come from, have suffered natural disasters over the last decade. In spite of their involvement in our country’s workforce and defense, and despite the collateral reasons that affect them, they don’t all qualify for the same social benefits, which may allow them to have a safe home. Benefits and assistance depends on the multiple categories they fall under in our complex social systems. In my experience, there is no generalizing.
I have often heard people question who “should get” help and who shouldn’t, especially when there are limited resources. Sometimes I’ve seen it as a reaction to protect and funnel limited funds to those in greatest need; sometimes it’s an introduction to an exclusive or unnecessarily bureaucratic web.
Over the last year, I worked with a young woman who has experienced many undercurrents in her lifetime. She was a teenager when she had her children, married to an older man. With an incomplete elementary school education, without English language skills, without a driver’s licence (or knowing how to drive), she came to the US with her two young children. In this age of instant and global communication, she made her way to our community because people from her hometown found work and settled here. She wanted to do the same, and especially, find better schooling for her children.
She found work at a meat processing plant. She sent her children to school, arranged for childcare (however unverified), and figured out a ride to go to work every day, about 45 minutes away. She first lived with a friend, then another; she found a room to rent in a city townhouse shared (or rather packed) with another two families; she found another room to rent in the county. The children switched schools at some point. The one place was infested with bed bugs. Another place she couldn’t give me an address number for, only a landmark and the notion that it was in the country, “on top” of a place of business.
At some point, Child Protective Services was involved. She lost her job due to childcare needs, sick-days and days she spent dragging suitcases (or plastic bags -the kind you put your trash in- with her belongings) from one side of town to another. She did not want to go to a shelter. By winter she had no bed, so she did end up at a shelter, out of town. She was hypervigilant about her children and the other adults at the shelter. She was disappointed that she was not allowed to cook her own food and talked about the seemingly poor quality of the children’s meals, almost obsessively. She was offered a new job and another place so she left the shelter a few days too soon to qualify for further assistance towards independent living. She got on her feet and then back down again.
At another point, she reluctantly interviewed for rental assistance through a local shelter. Luckily, and to her surprise, a temporary apartment opened up, where she could stay for a few months and work on finding more stability. When she was at this new place, she called me and described what it looked like: she said it had a full working kitchen and when she opened the fridge, there was food. She said, “they left fresh ground beef for me”.
This mom went from not telling me anything, to sharing so much, trusting me in the parent support role I had at her child’s school. At other times she shut down, later confessing that she felt like we (people in social services) no longer advocated for her but rather accused her. When she was anxious, she was loud, demanding and put up her best “street talk”, which was met by the puzzled faces of our rather quiet and often smiling Valley folk.
Some days, when she was in the most precarious housing situation and unemployed, she would bring the children to school and spend the day sitting under a tree, waiting to take the children back again. During her most stable days, she walked across town to buy them the most formal clothes that she could afford, so they would look nice (and match) for the school music program.
In the meantime, one of her children was evaluated for special education. This may sound like another hurdle. The children were below grade level and struggling with some aspects of school, but they were also soaking in a lot in terms of academic and social-emotional learning. Here, I must bring the words of pediatrician Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, in a TedMed Talk in 2014:
“I started noticing a disturbing trend. A lot of kids were being referred to me for ADHD, or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, but when I actually did a thorough history and physical, what I found was that for most of my patients, I couldn't make a diagnosis of ADHD. Most of the kids I was seeing had experienced such severe trauma [...]”. “[Childhood trauma] dramatically increased the risk for seven out of 10 of the leading causes of death in the United States. In high doses, it affects brain development, the immune system, hormonal systems, and even the way our DNA is read and transcribed. Folks who are exposed in very high doses have triple the lifetime risk of heart disease and lung cancer and a 20-year difference in life expectancy”.
Children who experience unstable housing get one mark on their Adverse Childhood Experience scores. Not having a home may roll out other detrimental experiences, like abuse and neglect. Our schools work diligently to support families who are experiencing homelessness through the McKinney-Vento Act. This is “a federal law that ensures the right of students to go to school even when they are homeless or don’t have a permanent address. The Act aims to reduce barriers that have prevented many homeless youth from enrolling, attending, and succeeding in school, including: transportation; residency requirements; and documentation requirements, such as birth certificates and medical records. [...] Youth have the right to attend either: the school nearest to where they are living; or the school where they were last enrolled (called “school of origin”), even if they move out of the school district”.
The big piece here is acknowledgement and communication. For many reasons, families may take some time to inform the school that they have lost their home. It sounds incredible, but despite not having a stable roof over the heads, some parents will go to incredible lengths to keep their children well-clothed, fed and at school on time. Teachers, in their caring roles, are many times, the first ones to notice or hear from the child that something has changed in their lives. We act quickly but housing issues are difficult to overcome.
According to “Virginia Homelessness Statistics”, as of 2018, 18,577 students experience homelessness on any given day. According to 2020 Census data “Young children are traditionally very hard to count and about 22 percent of people experiencing homelessness are children”.
Affordable Housing is critical for our community. I am grateful to you all for listening and for Faith In Action’s efforts to address the issue.
https://www.acf.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/fysb/mckvenapp20120829.pdf
“Will You Count? People Experiencing Homelessness in the 2020 Census.” http://civilrightsdocs.info/pdf/census/2020/People-Experiencing-Homelessness-HTC.pdf
Counting People Experiencing Homelessness http://www.georgetownpoverty.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/GCPI-ESOI-Counting-People-ExperiencingHomelessness-20180904.pdf
www.usich.gov/homelessness-statistics/va/
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