In honor of my 48th ordination anniversary which you will recall was June 2nd, this story is about the maggid (preacher) of Chelm. Some of you heard Chelm stories which focus on a shtetl of which the citizens aren’t exactly the sharpest tools in the workshop. These stories are well-known for their unforgettable irony that just emphasizes the stupidity of the Chelmites.
The maggid of Chelm was returning from a neighboring village in which he had delivered a sermon. On the way he was passed by a farmer whose wagon was piled high with hay. “May I offer you a ride?” asked the peasant courteously. “Thank you so much,” replied the maggid, climbing aboard the wagon. It was a warm, sunny day and soon the maggid fell sound asleep. When they arrived in Chelm he couldn’t find his notebook in which he kept his themes and stories for his sermons. “I must have lost it in the hay,” the maggid cried out, greatly distressed, “Now some cow or goat or donkey will eat it and become familiar with all my best sermons!” The next evening at the synagogue, he walked up to the bimah and glared at the congregation. He said, “Fellow citizens of Chelm, I have lost my notebook in a load of fodder. I want you to know that if some dumb ox or ass ever comes to town to preach, the sermon will be mine, not his!”
I’ll offer more Chelm stories but while this is rabbinic, it’s not Chelm-rabbinic…but it could be:
A prosperous lawyer was visiting his brother, the rabbi of a small town, and was appalled at his emaciated appearance. “How can you survive on those starvation wages they pay you?” he asked, shocked. “It’s like this, dear brother,” the rabbi answered smiling tolerantly. “I might have died of hunger long ago except that I make it a practice to fast on Mondays and Thursdays. That way, I have enough food to last the week.”
There’s always at least one person in every congregation whose main purpose in life seems to be making the rabbi’s existence miserable. Questions! Questions! Questions! It’s enough to drive a rabbi crazy. One such congregant, forever plaguing the rabbi with riddles he hoped would confound him, asked, “Tell me, Rabbi, why is it that four questions are asked on Passover, but no questions on Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur?” The rabbi responded, “It’s very simple. To see a Jew wail and moan is not unusual, and raises no questions, but to see a Jew happy —— that demands an explanation!”