So, you think it’s easy being a Seinfeld, Jackie Mason, or for those of you who go back decades earlier, Myron Cohen?
- Allen goes into Barnes and Noble (not Nobel), and asks the salesperson, “Excuse me, but where is the self-help section? The salesperson replies, “If I told you, sir, it would defeat the purpose.”
- At the Oneg Shabbat, Marty goes up to Rabbi Grumbacher, shakes his hand, and says, Rabbi, that was a great sermon! You should have it published.” The rabbi responds, “Just between the two of us, I’m planning to have all my sermons published posthumously.” His congregant says, “That’s good news, Rabbi, and the sooner the better.”
- A man comes into the rabbi’s study and says, “Rabbi, please make me a kohen. If you do I’ll give the shul $5,000.” The rabbi responds, “I’m sorry, but I cannot do that.” “You have no idea how much it would mean to me. I’ll give the shul $10,000!” Again, the rabbi tells he is unable to do that. “You drive a hard bargain. I’ll give the shul $50,000!” The rabbi thinks to himself, “Hmm, well we sure could use the money,” so he agrees to the request. “Oh, thank you so much, Rabbi. Please, this is so important to me, I ‘d like to thank the congregation publicly.” So, the next Shabbat, he is called to the bimah. With tears in his eyes, the man says, “I thank the rabbi and all of you for this great honor. All my life I wanted to be a Kohen. My grandfather was a Kohen, my father is a Kohen…”
- If you see my kids locked outside today, mind your business. We are having a fire drill.
- Until further notice the days of the week are now called, thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday.
Have a wonderful Shabbat; thanks for tuning in last night; and stay healthy!