(Tomorrow night the Greater Carolinas Association of Rabbis, of which I’ve been an active member for forty or so years, will be having a pre-Chanukah Zoom program. My friend and I will be debating the question, “Which has been more important in Jewish history, the Latke or the Hamantasch?” You must realize that we rabbis discuss exceedingly important things, and our debate will be a fight to the finish, a major moment in the evolution of Jewish thought…or not.
I don’t know what my friend will argue – he will, of course, lose – but today and next Shabbat I’ll give you my arguments for the latke. Neither Lincoln nor Douglas ever revealed their tactics before they debated, but since this debate will be for the future of our People, I thought you should know how brilliant I was/will be in my presentation. Yes, I hear your applauding and I bow my head in thorough humility. Remember, Shabbat is the day when nothing serious is to be considered, and how much more “nothing serious” can you get than the following:)
I mean who could ever suggest anything other than the greatness of the latke? The Hamantasch, as delicious as it is, cannot hold a candle, let alone EIGHT candles, to one latke. When Mattathias was ready to attack the Syrian-Greeks, he didn’t cry out, “All who are for the Lord, follow me!” Indeed not! He cried out, “If we don’t defeat Antiochus, we won’t have latkes to eat!” and with that the Maccabees garnered their strength and we know the outcome.
But more than that, how did those brave fighters know where to find the enemy? Their foes set up bonfires in the hills. It made it easy to fool them. Ahhh, but once the Dreidlspinners decimated their foes they each collected the perspiration from their foreheads, then used it to gently brush onto sliced potatoes which they tossed into the fire. Voila!! Latkes came out! And they used those latkes as discs with which Judith sliced off the head of Holofernes. She knew how to get ahead in the world.
(There’s more, but such ultimate brilliance would be too overwhelming to share in one sitting so next Shabbat you will be able to read Part II. I give this to you free-of-charge, but should you print them out and ask me to sign your copies, that’ll cost you big time. And if I continue with this nonsense, it’ll cost me big time as well!)