We do not seek converts. We believe you will have a share in the world-to-come based on deed, not creed. Regardless of your faith, be a good person because you do not have to believe as we do. It’s a very encompassing idea which does not have us look down upon anyone. Oh, by the way, there are some who say our position came about because had we tried to convert people we would have been slaughtered by, well, by the Romans or Christians or anyone else who held the knife.
Be that as it may, it remains an integral part of our way of life. If one wants to join us, that’s fine, but that person should know the trials and tribulations of history’s treatment of our people. In fact, it was determined that one who seeks to join our flock should be turned down three times. If s/he comes back after all those rejections, then that proves sincerity; we should proceed with instruction and all the rituals necessary for one to become a Jew-by-Choice.
While I’ve never kicked a prospective convert out of my office, I’ve taken the opportunity to discourage them by a narration of our tragedies, the Holocaust only being the last and worst. I mention that Hitler didn’t care if only one grandparent was Jewish, whether you were a cradle Jew or Jew-by-Choice. If the candidate fully understands that such a decision could result in death, then we proceed.
But I also discuss our concept of shalom bayit, peace in the home, especially to someone who is not converting for the sake of marriage. I stress that the person should think about the impact of that decision on her/his family, especially the parents. Yes, it’s absolutely true that Jewish parents would be more devastated if their offspring springs off the chain of tradition, but that doesn’t mean the parents or siblings, aunt, uncle, grandparents of a Gentile seeking Judaism is thrilled. Often I’m told by the prospective convert, “My parents are just happy that I believe in God, that I’m interested in a real religion,” but I tell them to further discuss the implications, to get their real feelings. It will inform the parents that there is serious intent, that in rejecting the religion of their parents/grandparents they aren’t rejecting them.
I vividly recall one potential convert who, a while after this discussion, came to me in tears…” I really want to be Jewish but I realized that my parents are anti-Semites.” Wow! It’s one thing to come to grips with parents being devoted Presbyterians, but this takes shalom bayit to a new level. We spent a lot of time after that talking about the implications not of conversion – that didn’t happen of course – but of the realization that her parents had such hatred. That’s why you cannot take conversion lightly.
I’m sure I’ll have more to say about this topic.
Shabbat shalom!