You’ll recall that a little while ago I wrote that often our sensitivity to others’ feelings causes us to assume that the non-Jewish parent/relative of a Bat/Bar Mitzvah wants more involvement in the ritual. Well, now I’m going to offer my views on a different, yet related, topic, something that’s been called the “December Dilemma” …what to do with the winter holidays in a mixed household. I know it’s a particularly sensitive topic; I hope that you know I don’t want to offend anyone, but I have to present my rabbinic perspective.
Let me start by saying that across the years we have participated in the Christmas celebration with our Christian friends; on occasion we have joined them at their religious services.
This season of “light” is important for many reasons, religious and otherwise, but there are so many aspects to consider to make the holiday special for each faith. If we remove the secular celebrations from the equation we can see the similarities between Christmas and Chanukah. For starters it is no coincidence that both occur around the winter solstice, the darkest day of the year, and in that context for Christians, Jesus is their light and for us the miracle of the Maccabean victory is ours. Without either I wouldn’t be writing this right now inasmuch as neither religion could have gone forward without that event as a central focus of theology and celebration. And if we keep the secular elements there is also an amazing similarity; in fact, differences seem to melt away with the gift-giving and the merriment…and therein lies part of the problem.
While Christianity will surely continue if x number of Christians leave the fold for whatever reason, I fear Judaism will not. Therefore, we don’t want to confuse our kids with the secular, rather we should make them aware of the gift of the Chanukah light. We should also explain carefully what Christmas really is all about and why it is not celebrated in a Jewish home. I truly believe our children will fully understand, and while for a moment they might covet what the other kids have, they will ultimately appreciate the respect WE have for our traditions.
Celebrating Christmas in the home of Christian grandparents and other relatives is, in my opinion, 100% ok. In fact, it enhances our celebration of Chanukah at home by demarcating one from the other. If we made a decision to raise our children in the Jewish religion, that should be the motivating factor in the exclusive celebration of Chanukah, rejoicing with our neighbors and friends in their Christmas celebration, and inviting them to rejoice in our Chanukah celebration. It is the secular that has been the cause of misunderstanding and the religious nonsense of Chrismukah and calling a Christmas tree a Chanukah bush.
Just as I surveyed non-Jewish parents about their participation in our rites-of-passage in the years I served in Delaware, I would very much like to know their thoughts about what I’ve written with regard to this subject. Just email me…interimbethelrabbi@gmail.com