Kibbutz Life 4: The Candle-Lighting Puzzle”

   I have to admit that this secular kibbutz had a difficult time understanding how a rabbi would want to live with them for two months. After all, rabbis were Orthodox; they were dressed all in black; they were kosher; they wanted little to do with the outside world. And this rabbi was what??? Reform? Mah zeh? What did that mean?

   I volunteered to answer their questions, but I think they were too confused to figure out a question to ask. They were nice people, busy with whatever work they had to do, and stayed away from my family and me. But they were curious, so they asked our host to ask us to celebrate Shabbat on the last weekend we were there “the way they do it at home.”

   This was not an anti-religious kibbutz as some are. I’d say it was a non-religious kibbutz however they wanted more but they didn’t want Orthodox religion and they knew no other way of practicing Judaism than Orthodox or that way. On Shabbat they sang some of the traditional Shabbat melodies played on a piano that had seen better days. The “better days” were probably around 1959, not 1989 which is when this took place. 

   So, the five of us discussed what we would do: it included candle-lighting, kiddush, motzi, and Birkat HaMazon (blessing after the meal). Suzy has a hard time lighting a match, so I would light the candles and she’d recite the blessing. I’d chant kiddush, the kids would recite motzi (or sing, “…we give thanks to God for bread…”) and we did a brief Birkat HaMazon. The kibbutz is seemed to appreciate our efforts.

   The next day I asked our host, “Did you get any reaction to our Shabbat ritual?” I expected to hear this or that, but I didn’t expect to hear what I heard.

   Our host said, “They were very confused. A few of them asked the same question.”

   Now he had my complete attention. “And what would that be?”

   “They wanted to know if in the United States all the men lit the candles before their wives recited the blessing.”

I stared in disbelief! “T H A T ‘S what they wanted to know,” I asked. “Did that confuse you too?” He admitted it had confused him. I explained that Suzy didn’t like to light matches, and I said, “In your next newsletter which comes out after we’ve left, please tell them why I lit the candles and that traditionally the women do the lighting themselves.” I am sure he did, but I never heard another word about it. You never know.