Every Shabbat from now on – provided I remember – I’m reserving this column for jokes…and I sure hope this doesn’t have to continue more than a month of Shabbats. I’m still including one or so at the end of each daily article, but Shabbat is a time one shouldn’t think too hard, a time when an extra laugh is appropriate, a time when one gives God one’s best. OK, so these aren’t my best, but I hope you get a kick out of at least one (your choice):
- An old Jew was admitted to St. Francis Hospital for surgery.
A nun asked him who would be responsible for the bill,
and the old man replied, “My only living relative is my sister,
but she is an old maid who converted to Catholicism and became a nun.”
The nun replied,
“Just a minute, I’ll have you know that we are not old maids-
we are married to Jesus Christ!”
“Fine,” said the old man. “In that case, send the bill to my brother-in-law.”
- Weinstein visits a specialist. “You seem fine to me,” says the doctor.
“But what about my headaches?” asks Weinstein.
The doctor replies, “I’m not worried about your headaches.”
“Listen, Doctor,” responds Weinstein,
“if you had my headaches, I wouldn’t worry about them either.”
- Two members of a congregation are talking. “Our cantor is magnificent,” says the first.
“No big deal,” says his friend, “If I had his voice, I’d sing just as well.”
- Mendel was a popular waiter at Sol’s delicatessen.
When he died some of his regular customers decide to visit a medium so they can communicate with him.
“Just knock on the table as you did when he was with you,” says the medium,
“and he will appear again.” There is much knocking, but no sign of Mendel.
The group bangs louder, and finally they begin to call his name louder and louder.
Finally, Mendel appears with a cloth over his arm.
“What happened, Mendel?” says one of the group.
“Why didn’t you come when we first knocked?”
“It wasn’t my table,” says Mendel.
Now the above are old, old jokes. I think, however, they are eternally hysterical; every generation, I hope, gets a charge out of them. My fear is that NO generation had, has or will get a charge out of them!