No, your eyes aren’t deceiving you…just substitute last week’s “Blessing for all” with today’s “Kaddish for all.”
We spiritually acknowledge the uniqueness of our children by blessing them individually. So too should we recognize the death of the loved one of ONE person, ONE family, by only responding to the mourner’s kaddish with the appropriate congregational verse (Y’hei sh’mei rabba m’varach l’loam ul’almei almaya, and of course “Amen” at the conclusion of the four sentences in which it is found, not by rising and reciting it as a congregation.
In the past generation or two the minhag/custom of Reform congregations is for everyone to rise for the kaddish. There are a few reasons:
1. we rise and recite kaddish in memory of those who perished in the Holocaust.
2. we want to support the mourner in his/her grief.
3. we rise and recite kaddish so those who feel uncomfortable because they might not know the language have others to assist them.
Let me say that if we follow the logic of the first reason, we are reciting kaddish for the martyrs of the Shoah more often than we do for our own parents, siblings, spouses or children.
Think about it…if we follow the tradition of reciting kaddish for loved ones we’ve got five opportunities during the year, their yahrzeit plus yizkor on Yom Kippur and the three festivals of Sukkot, Pesach and Shavuot when there are yizkor additions (special memorial supplements) to the worship service.
Reciting kaddish for the Holocaust victims takes place on Yom HaShoah (Holocaust Memorial Day) and often on Tish’a b’Av, maybe even when we commemorate Kristallnacht.
That’s five for our loved ones, two for the martyrs. But if we add kaddish on every Shabbat we increase the number of times: 52. So it’s 55 vs. 5. My grandmother and two aunts died in Auschwitz and yet I’m quite satisfied reciting kaddish as I indicated, and I recite kaddish for my parents on their yahrzeits and yizkor.
The second reason has more validity, but…
We are supposed to comfort the mourner; it’s one of the most important mitzvot. If a stranger comes to worship and would want to extend condolences, it would be difficult to identify the mourner if everyone has stood for kaddish.
Offering support for the mourner is truly up there on the list of mitzvot. Support, however, comes from the community “being there” during shiva, offering meals, and doing chores. Reciting kaddish alone isn’t true support.
As far as the language barrier goes, that is, the third reason, I understand the dilemma there. Nevertheless, if everyone would recite the kaddish without rising with the mourner, that would be a good compromise.
Let me say that in my “interim” capacity I propose no changes in minhag as I would have in my Delaware congregation. However, I can voice my opinion (as I’m doing in this column) so you’re able to think about it. The job of the interim whose tenure is purposefully brief, is different from that of the congregation’s rabbi.